Enter Hitsugaya Toshiro, the Shinigami of Theatrics
by bleachlover1999
Summary: Karin thinks that Toshiro should change his title to the Shinigami of Theatrics after witnessing his countless, eccentric, and otherworldly ways of making an entrance. A collection of one-shots featuring Toshiro's entrance methods. Entrance #3: Conversation Bomb. Rated T for language and general chaos. Always complete.
1. Entrance 1: Ceiling

Title: Enter Hitsugaya Toshiro, the Shinigami of Theatrics!

Summary: Karin thinks that Toshiro should change his title to the Shinigami of Theatrics after witnessing his countless, eccentric, and otherworldly ways of making an entrance. A collection of one-shots featuring Toshiro's entrance methods. Entrance #1: Ceiling. Rated T for language and general chaos.

A/N: Not really sure how this idea was planted in my mind… I imagine it to be like this:

Step 1: I read a fanfic ('The Plan') that convenient has a running gag of Toshiro entering through the window and scaring the hell out of Karin. Seed acquired.

Step 2: Depressed by the number of people viewing my stories. Plan to write a story activates!

Step 3: Read through reviews. Ideas forming in my (somewhat) twisted mind (may have been evil, but you'll never know). Fertilizers~, fertilizers~

Step 4: Ditches the whole think-it-through plan and starts typing this as I think. I'm just writing this story, putting in whatever suddenly pops into my mind, okay?

And… ACTION!

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Hello, readers, author here.

I have bestowed upon myself the right to open up this story, and you readers are the victims of my senseless ramblings.

Toshiro Hitsugaya held the titles Captain of the 10th Division, Child Prodigy, and Shiro-chan. The last one is only to poke fun, mind you, so you might want to refrain from calling him that unless you're friendly with him or you'll end up as a '*insert your name here*-popsicle'.

Then again, I'm digressing. My point is, that Karin Kurosaki discovered another title that suits Hitsugaya quite well: The Shinigami of Theatrics.

Why?

Let's just say that he isn't very familiar with what humans deem as normal entrances… Although that's most likely due to Ichigo's crazy friends (*cough*Rangiku*cough*)

**()()()()()()()()()()()()()()()()()()()()()**

Entrance #1: Ceiling

Karin was stomping down the hallway holding a lion plushy. She held it at arm's length, dangling it from a rope, determinedly ignoring the muffled protests it made through the gag she forced on it. She kicked Ichigo's door open with barely contained irritation.

"ICHIGO, EXPLAIN WHY THERE'S A MOVING, TALKING, _PERVERTED_ DOLL IN MY ROOM!"

Her brother had been lying on his bed, staring at the ceiling when Karin had made her loud entrance. He jumped and did a double-take after he took one look at the tied up plushy.

"Kon? Why the hell are you tied up and gagged?" He asked. The doll, now identified as 'Kon', attempted to scream insults/answer Ichigo in vain as the gag was pretty effective. Karin's expression immediately grew even darker than it already was.

"Oh, you want to know why? That's because it was in my room, harassing Yuzu, _and_ it had to gall to complain about me being flat!" She violently threw Kon, still tied up, at the Ichigo. He made no move to catch it when it went hurtling past him, which resulted in Kon flying out the window.

Ichigo whistled as he watched Kon cannon through the air until he was out of sight. "And I thought you play soccer. You sure you don't want to try out for the baseball team?"

"Don't try to change the subject!" Karin snapped at him. "Is that some experiment of Urahara's gone wrong or something?"

"Uh, no, he's-"

"If you're talking about that doll that just went out the window, it's most likely a mod-soul!"

Karin was tackled by Ichigo as soon as he heard the voice. She was just about to yell at him, whether about him just tackling her out of the blue or where that voice came from, she wasn't sure, but she shut her mouth when a piece of the ceiling crashed down to where she'd been standing a second ago, revealing the heads of a group of absurd people.

"Yo, Ichigo, long time no see!" It was the same woman who'd provoked Ichigo to shove Karin out of the way when she spoke.

"_Again?! _Can't you guys just come in the way normal people do? There's a reason for why there are doors!" Ichigo shouted at the strange group of people, already settled comfortably on his bed. Well, that is, except for a certain white-haired captain.

"Toshiro, Rangiku-san!" Karin blinked, taking in the sight of Rangiku holding Hitsugaya in a headlock to prevent him from escaping.

Rangiku looked at her and perked up. "Oh, you're that kid from before! Ichigo's sister, right?"

Ichigo cut in before Karin could reply. "Yeah, she's my sister, but don't think that you can avoid my question!"

"Aw, don't be so mean. Besides, it's Captain Hitsugaya here's fault!" Rangiku said, all too happily pushing the blame onto Hitsugaya.

"How is it my fault? You forced me to go through the ceiling with you barbarians!" Hitsugaya yelled at his lieutenant.

Yumichika appeared to be rather upset when he responded to that statement, "Barbarian is an unsightly word. I prefer… unique."

"Che, what unique," Ikkaku scoffed. "We come in this way every single time, didn't we?"

"I just stated my own opinion. I never asked for yours."

"What makes you think that my opinions are bad?!"

Meanwhile, the six remaining people were in another conversation, completely ignoring the bickering pair.

"How were you going to come in if not through the ceiling, Captain?" Rangiku questioned him. "Surely not through the window? A white-haired elementary school student climbing through a window will turn heads."

"Aren't you stealing my lines?" Renji muttered, but Rangiku waved his comment aside.

Hitsugaya's eyebrow was twitching, and Karin was pretty sure that a blood vessel was going to burst soon. "It's better than just popping into a house through the ceiling, and don't you forget that you broke Kurosaki's light too. Climbing in through the window is civilized compared to that."

"Hey, Rukia, you disappear for this long and you just pop out of nowhere? What're you guys even here for?" Rukia shrugged at Ichigo's answer, examining his closet to see if he was keeping it clean, since she didn't know whether she would be using it again.

"Nothing really, we just came to play. The reason for this group's the same as last time, except for fun," She replied while frowning at all the dust she found.

"Yup, we're here _just_ for fun," Rangiku cheered, clapping her hands together. She turned her head towards her captain. "Oh, and it's rare for you to take a day off, Captain."

Karin was pretty curious about the vein that kept popping up when Hitsugaya got irritated. "You're the one who filed a day-off request for me and dragged me here against my will!"

"Eh, is that so?"

"Don't act like you don't know! Last time was the same too. I ended up getting dragged into coming here two years ago because you thought that it would be 'fun' to tag along with Kuchiki's group!"

"Don't you think it was? We even got to kick some arrancar butts!"

Karin sighed as she watched the chaos growing. "Why do these shinigami's find it necessary to cause such drama every single time they show up?"

Hitsugaya overheard (damn those ears) and snapped his head towards her. "I told you -"

"SISTER, YOU'RE BACK!" Kon suddenly flew into the room through the window, but Rukia didn't even look at him as she argued with Ichigo. Instead, she sent him out through the window again by the means of a strong kick. And all that didn't stop Hitsugaya from continuing either.

"- entering through the window isn't dramatic!"

"And you still think that you aren't the Shinigami of Theatrics?"


	2. Entrance 2: Tomato and Lentil Soup

Title: Enter Hitsugaya Toshiro, the Shinigami of Theatrics!

Summary: Karin thinks that Toshiro should change his title to the Shinigami of Theatrics after witnessing his countless, eccentric, and otherworldly ways of making an entrance. A collection of one-shots featuring Toshiro's entrance methods. Entrance #2: Tomato and Lentil soup. Rated T for language and general chaos.

A/N: I decided that even special entrances need a different approach! The… deathly approach!

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Karin hummed thoughtfully as she chopped away, pretty sure that this wasn't supposed to look green or bubble. Sensing the salty tears coming, she wiped away the tears on her cheeks and glared at the knife in her hand. It was at this moment that Yuzu chose to come in.

"K-karin! What're you doing in the kitchen? Are you crying?"

Karin snorted at Yuzu's last question. As if, she hasn't cried in years! Well, not since that boy/parakeet incident…

The older twin set the knife back down on the counter and flicked away the mangled remains of an onion. "Trying to cook, and no, I'm not crying. Blame these goddamn onions for that."

"Cook? When did you learn how to cook?" Yuzu tipped her head to one side and looked over her sister's should to see what she was 'cooking'. "And, uh, what's that?"

Karin examined the bubbling, pea-green soup smoking in the pot. "… I don't know whether or not I should answer that…"

Yuzu heaved a sigh as she scooped up some of the soup and let it fall back into the pot, nose crinkling at the sluggish pace it slid down the ladle. "I can try to help if you tell me."

Karin considered for a moment. "…Tomato and Lentil soup."

"Please tell me that you at least tried to follow a recipe."

"I did," Karin replied indignantly. She held out a piece of paper with the ingredients and steps written on them. Yuzu took the paper from her sister and looked it over. Knowing Karin, she could get even the easiest cooking procedures wrong.

Yuzu decided to start with the ingredients. "Alright, it says here that you need half of an onion..."

She trailed off when she caught sight of the huge pile of 'onion corpses' and sighed. "Just how much did you add again?"

"I bought a box of them, failed to chop half, and dropped another half of that, so I'd say… around a quarter of a box of onions," Karin relayed the story behind the 'onion corpses', and somehow, Yuzu wasn't surprised at all.

"Okay, moving on… Next, tinned tomatoes. You didn't mess that up, did you?"

"Nope, I got that from the supermarket. Although, it _does_ look a bit weird…"

Yuzu extended a hand to her sister, indicating to see the can containing the leftovers. "May I?"

Once she had the can in her hands, Yuzu just barely restrained from head-desking on the kitchen counter. "Karin, this is spaghetti sauce."

"Hey, it's not my fault this time! That stupid worker gave me this fucking jar when I asked where the tinned tomatoes are!" Karin scowled, swearing internally to never visit that supermarket ever again, even if the next closest one was four miles away.

"Language, language," Yuzu chided. "Tomato puree?"

Karin pointed at the cutting board soaked with tomato juice, looking eerily similar to being soaked with blood. Her only explanation was, "I looked it up on the internet. It said that I can just chop some tomatoes up."

Yuzu was 99 percent sure that you were supposed to chop them into nice, thin slices, but Karin had obviously just chopped them into big, bulky slices. As if Yuzu's thoughts had summoned it, a tomato slice around the size of half of a tomato floated to the surface of the 'tomato and lentil soup'.

The normally happy-go-lucky girl rubbed her temples as she sensed a killer headache coming.

**()()()()()()()()()()()()()()()()()()()()()**

The rest of the cooking session continued in a similar manner before Yuzu finally told her sister that she needed to lie down for a bit. Karin shrugged, oblivious to Yuzu's relief at finally getting a break. After her twin had gone upstairs to rest (collapse in bed and not wake up until dinner time), the raven-haired girl turned back to her 'soup', which was miraculously still smoking away.

_'Maybe it doesn't taste as bad as it looks…' _Karin thought. _'Yeah, maybe I should try some, just to be sure…'_

Karin made up her mind, but as soon as she turned back to the bubbling green menace, she felt her willpower crumbling away. _'On second thought, I should get someone else to help me taste test this…'_

"What are you doing, Kurosaki? Are you trying to invent a new kind of poison?"

Usually, Karin would be happy to see Hitsugaya as he rarely visited, but she just couldn't find a single cell in herself to welcome his presence after he _insulted her cooking _(even if it was completely reasonable)_._

Hitsugaya shivered when Karin turned to face him as he jumped in from the window, which was a strange phenomenon as his zanpakutou _was_ an ice/snow type. He was basically immune to the cold.

"What are you talking about, Toshiro?" Karin asked him, her voice dripping with sickeningly fake sweetness. "This is Tomato and Lentil soup! Why don't you. _Try. Some?!" _

The white-haired captain would forever regret being so blunt with his comment regarding her 'soup'. Karin smashed the entire pot of soup in his face and he fainted almost immediately. Hitsugaya wasn't sure, when he woke up two weeks later, whether his loss of consciousness was caused by the heat, smell, or taste of the soup.

Karin beat imaginary dust off of her clothes and left the kitchen without a second glance at Hitsugaya's twitching form. "If you're going to die, don't do it here. Some people don't find someone's dead body in their kitchen a good impression."

On the bright side, Karin got to spent some more time with her shinigami 'friend' as he recuperated in the Human World with their medical knowledge (Even Captain Unohana couldn't figure out how to reverse the effects of Karin's cooking. Karin gained Mayuri's permanent respect.)


	3. Entrance 3: Conversation Bomb

A/N: Ehehehe… sorry for the late update? Typed this up and posted immediately, so please don't kill me for the grammar mistakes!

BTW, reread Bleach, and I just love Karin.

Yuzu: Brother, move aside! *carries boxes of stuff*

Ichigo: Yuzu? What are you –

Karin: MOVE IT, MOVE IT! *Races past with a patient's stretcher in tow*

Me: … aren't you supposed to be more careful with patients…?

**()()()()()()()()()()()()()()()()**

'_Man, these lessons are _boring_,'_ Karin grumbled in her mind. Her arms were folded on her desk and she laid her head on them, staring out the window at the clouds.

"Karin-chan!"

'_I thought that Toshiro could help me study, but who knew that he would start going through the entire textbook? But I have to admit, he _is_ a good teacher…'_

"**Karin-chan!"**

"What?" Karin turned her head around to glare at Yuzu.

The more feminine twin set her hands on her hips, pouting down at Karin. "I've been calling for a long time already!"

"You have? Oh, sorry then. What do you want?"

"I just wanted to ask if you wanted to eat lunch with me and my friends on the roof," Yuzu explained, leaning in the peer closer at her sister. "Are you not feeling well? You usually don't space out like that."

Karin gently shoved her sister's face away and stood up, rifling through her bag for her lunch. "Yeah, I'm fine, nothing to worry about. Come on then, aren't you going to eat on the roof?"

Yuzu stared at her twin curiously for a few seconds before sighing. "Yeah, Midori and Yuki-chan are waiting for us."

**()()()()()()()()()()()()()()()()**

Once again, Karin found herself staring at the clouds instead of eating her lunch.

'_What did Toshiro say about clouds again? Oh yeah, a cloud is a visible __mass__ of __liquid__droplets__ or frozen __crystals__ made of __water__ or various __chemicals__ suspended in the __atmosphere__ above the surface of a __planetary__ body…_ _Argh, all that genius talk is getting to my head!_'

"Karin-chan?"

"Ah?" Karin found herself face-to-face with Yuzu.

"Are you sure that you're feeling okay?" Yuzu asked as she felt her twin's forehead with one hand, chopsticks held in the other. Karin brushed her hand away from her forehead.

"I told you, I'm fine, Yuzu."

Yuki laughed creepily over her pineapple dessert, "Ufufufu, I bet that she's thinking about her boyfriend. Love-sick, Karin-chan?" (Anybody catch my joke? You should know if you read Katekyo Hitman Reborn)

"Psh, a boyfriend? No way in hell," Karin dismissed Yuki's comment casually, sipping from her cup of Sprite.

Midori sighed sadly, looking up from her sushi, "You'll never get one either if you continue wearing those boyish clothes of yours."

"Who said that I wanted one?" Karin retorted.

"I'm worried, Karin-chan. Will you ever get a boyfriend? I'll never get a cute niece or nephew at this rate," Yuzu mumbled, looking considerably sad.

Karin waved a hand at Yuzu, "No need to fret about that, Ichi and Rukia will take care of that for you."

"But brother said that they're just good friends –"

"Now that I think about it though, do you have a type, Karin-san?"

"Type?" Karin questioned, looking over at Midori.

Yuki nodded at a break-neck speed (catch my lame pun?), catching her friend's 'girly flame'. "Yup! Like, a kind of guy that you prefer or something."

"Hah? I don't have a type or whatever you call it –"

"But what about Toshiro-kun?" Yuzu cut in, giving Karin a disappointed look. "You two look so cute together!"

Cue Yuki's evil laugh. Over pineapple juice. "O-hoh, what's this I hear? Our little Karin-chan has a guy that she likes, eh? And yet, you still say that you don't have a type!"

"Describe this 'Toshiro-kun' to us!" Midori said excitedly, not cowering under Karin's fearsome glare as she usually did, as flamed up as she was now. Karin wholly blamed Yuki for influencing Yuzu's groups of friends with more 'girly flame' than they already did.

Said girl groaned and leaned back on one arm. She tipped her head back, staring at the clouds upside down. '_Ah well, it'll get them off my back… It's just a few questions, right?'_

"Be more specific if you're going to ask a question. What do you want to know? What does he look like, what's he like, or what he does?" Karin grumbled, head still tipped backwards.

Yuki hummed thoughtfully, this time with a pineapple ice cream. "Let's see… EVERYTHING!"

Karin was _just_ a little bit startled by the girl suddenly shouting at the top of her lungs, causing her to choke on her saliva in her position. Beating her chest to clear her airway, Karin sat up. "Everything, *cough*, as in everything I said, *cough*, or, *cough*, whatever questions you spout out?"

"BOTH!"

'_Annoying,' _Karin thought. '_Almost as annoying as Goat-chin. Almost.'_

"Uh, well, he has white hair?" She offered hesitantly. _And it's surprising fun to ruffle…_

That earned her blank stares from both Midori and Yuki. The latter asked bluntly, "And just how old is this Toshiro?"

Karin shrugged and answered honestly, "Dunno."

Yuzu cut in, attempting to rescue Karin. Well, it kind of worked. "He's friends with our brother though, so they're around the same age right, Karin?"

"Huh? Oh, yeah, I guess."

"Hmm… so you like older guys…" Yuki wrote something down in a notepad with a pineapple design. "Okay, I've got it. You can continue."

"Who gave you the right to order me around, huh?" Karin's eyebrow twitched, visibly annoyed. Yuzu noticed immediately and gave her the 'look'. The 'look', also known as the 'no dinner for you tonight if you don't behave' look. And of course, Karin was a healthy girl, so she loved her food. And sleep. And soccer.

"Ugh, fine. He has blue eyes."

"Likes strange hair and eye colors…"

Karin chose to ignore Yuki, who was dutifully scribbling down notes for 'Karin's type'. It was Midori who asked the next question. "What else about his looks?"

"What else? Uh… I think that that's about it… a little help here, Yuzu?"

But the normally sweet little girl chose this moment to grow a backbone. "He's your boyfriend, so you answer!"

Karin immediately spat out her Sprite. "WHEN DID I SAY ANYTHING ABOUT HIM BEING MY BOYFRIEND?!"

"There's just this chemistry between you two!"

"Chemistry? What fucking chemistry –"

"Language!"

"I don't give a fuck! Chemistry is the study of the composition, properties and behavior of matter! How the hell can we have that between us –," Karin's head immediately dropped, depression lines popping up. "Oh, hell no, I'm turning into a nerd…"

"Ah, Toshiro-kun's also a genius!" Yuzu said cheerfully, writing it down for Yuki.

"Huh, so you like smart people too… or maybe just people out of your league."

"What was that?" Karin stood up and raised a fist at Yuki threateningly, a vein popping out from her forehead. It was only the 'look' that made her drop the clenched fist and sit back down. "Are we done yet?"

Midori pouted at her, arms crossed. "You haven't answered my question yet!"

"Oh, screw this. He's a midget, okay? Happy now?"

"Who's a midget, Kurosaki?"

Karin jumped when Hitsugaya suddenly appeared behind her, obviously ticked off by her comment about his height. "Toshiro!"

"I take a vacation to visit you because you nagged me about a soccer game, and the first thing I hear is you calling me a midget?!"

"Hey, it's true! You barely even reach Ichi's chest!"

"That's irrelevant! Haven't you heard of respect for elders?"

"Respect for elders? Who do you think my brother is?"

"… Good point."

Karin and Hitsugaya only turned around when Yuzu tapped them on the shoulder. She gave them her ultra-sweet smile. "Nice to see you again, Toshiro-kun! Why don't you introduce yourself? We were talking about you earlier."

The raven-haired girl suddenly realized that Yuzu could see Hitsugaya, and that reminded her about anything to be angry about.

"Fuck my life! You just _have_ to be wearing a _gigai_ now of all times!"

"What's wrong with you today? You're the one who's always complaining about me 'sneaking up' on you without it, and the one time I actually wear it, you blow up on me?!"

"Of course it'll make me look crazy if I'm talking to thin air! But there's company here with me, in case you haven't noticed!"

"You're usually by yourself, so how should I know that you decided to stop being a lone-wolf today out of all days?!"

"Who're you to tell me that? You're even more of a lone-wolf than I am! You're the one who's always slaving away in that hellhole of yours that you call an office!"

"It's my job! I don't have time to play all day like you!"

"Why you little – Let's settle this over a soccer game! I win, you have to let me go over to visit you in Soul Society!"

"What? I'm no allowed to do that –"

"See? You're obsessed with your job!"

"Fine then! I win, and you apologize for ever calling me a midget!"

"You're on!"

The two left Yuzu, Midori, and Yuki standing alone on the rooftop, both too angry to remember that they had an audience.

"Don't worry, they're always like this," Yuzu said to Midori cheerfully, hands clapped together. "See what I mean by chemistry?"

Midori sweat-dropped. "Uh, yeah, definitely.

Yuki looked down at her notepad and wrote: 'Karin shall stay single for the rest of her life… unless that Toshiro gets a move on. Very unlikely.'


End file.
